Comments/Questions from Readers

Question #20: I read your articles twice now. My husband has been having sex with another woman behind my back for several months now. I have known for a month now. He found no uncleaness in me, I follow Torah, he picks and chooses. He planned to have us move into our new home, then tell me about his 'affair' and sell the home, and get a Divorce. I had to serve him Divorce papers because he kept threatening to not help with the Mortgage. he is an 'officer of the law' too. Your article does not cover my situation. He came in this AM to tell me that we would be getting a Divorce. He did not hear me say all those times, it was MY choice. So where is the scripture for husbands that do this BETRAYAL BEHIND the wives back, and treat the wife for almost a year with disrespect, anger, verbal abuse, condemnation, and cruelty??

First of all, let me express my deepest sympathy to you during this time of marital distress. Nothing can be more disheartening than to discover that one's spouse, the very foundation of the family unit, has decided they no longer want to remain married, regardless of reason.

You mention that he was having sex with this other woman without your knowledge. At the very least, it is clear he has been fornicating with this other woman. From what I've read, there's no indication that he's deceived into thinking that he's somehow married to this other woman. You mentioned that he was planning to get a divorce, so clearly he wasn't intending to follow Scripture with regards to his existing marriage, whatever else he may think of his relationship with this other woman. Assuming he is a believer, he is admonished NOT to "put you away" under any circumstances other than "virginity fraud", which clearly was not the case here. For him to proceed with abandoning you would Scripturally disqualify him from remarriage. However, the issue now is what your options are today.

You indicated that you have already filed for secular divorce, so I'm assuming you now feel that it is pointless to try to salvage the relationship, even if he wanted to. As it stands now, regardless who files for the state-recognized divorce, it will end up leaving you in the unfortunate position of being separated from your husband and unable to be remarried. Here's the relevant Scriptures that pertain to your situation:

Matthew 5:31-32: "And it has been said, 'Whoever puts away his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that whoever puts away his wife, except for the matter of whoring, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a woman who has been put away commits adultery."

Mark 10:11-12: "And He said to them, 'Whoever puts away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman puts away her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.'"

Romans 7:2-3: "For the married woman has been bound by Torah to the living husband, but if the husband dies, she is released from the Torah concerning her husband. So then, while her husband lives, she shall be called an adulteress if she becomes another man's. But if her husband dies, she is free from that part of the Torah, so that she is not an adulteress, having become another man's."

1 Corinthians 7:10-11: "And to the married I command, not I, but the Master: A wife should not separate from a husband. But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried or be restored to favour with her husband, and let a husband not send away a wife."

1 Corinthians 7:39: "A wife is bound by the Torah as long as her husband lives, and if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she desires, only in the Master."

According to God's Word, you must not remarry so long as your husband lives. Your only option at this point would be to remain separated or restored to your husband at some point, because you will remain married to him so long as you both live, whether governmental or religious authorities say you're allowed to remarry or not. You are not obligated to remain living with a husband who is abusive or treacherous towards you, but neither are you free to remarry.

This is a very unfortunate situation because everyone loses in a divorce. If he ends up marrying this other woman after unlawfully putting you away, he will be an adulterer for his role in his spousal replacement. At the same time, you will be unable to marry another man as long as your husband lives, whether the state says you are divorced or not.

I pray that your relationship with the Father will grow stronger as you have more time to devote to your spiritual walk. Perhaps at some point, if He wills it, you and your husband may yet come to working out your differences and get back together as Elohim intended.




"...In essentials we maintain unity, in opinions liberty, and in all things love..."

Your comments are welcome!